A Sign

You know that thing people say when someone close to them dies - that they can FEEL the presence of their departed loved one all around them? That they know he/she is watching over them? Their guardian angel?

What a bunch of crap.

Maybe I should try to put that more delicately... What a bunch of wishful thinking. It ranks right up there with, "I know we'll see each other again." I can't decide if that's an incredibly pleasant and comforting way to think, or if it's just childish and pathetic.

I try to feel my dad's presence. I get nothing. Zilch. Zip. Nada. And if there's anyone's presence I should be able to feel, it's his. I even asked him to give me sign -- anything at all -- to let me know he is still with me.

The closest I came was when I was doing laundry and couldn't find a sock I'd washed. (One of Dad's old GoldToe black socks that my son needed to wear to the memorial service. Kids these days don't own black socks - at least, mine doesn't.)

I looked for that sock everywhere. Not in the dryer; it's empty. I checked twice. Not stuck to any other clothes; I checked them all twice. Not still in the washer. I checked twice. Not on the floor. I checked everywhere. Twice. So, I gave up.

I did another load of laundry and when I opened the dryer to put the clothes in, there was the sock - the heretofore mysteriously missing, nice, clean, fluffy, dry sock. Ta da!!! There you have it; clearly a sign. (Not a sign of a desperate mind... a sign from my dad, of course.) "Yes, doubting daughter. I am here watching over you and you CAN feel my presence. See??? Here's my sock. Proof!"

Either that, or the sock was snagged on the top of the dryer barrel when I'd looked for it earlier (did I mention I looked twice?) and it fell down in the interim.

Hard to say. Though I suspect if Dad were going to give me a sign he wouldn't use the age-old "missing sock" trick. It would be something much more dramatic - like maybe an apparition standing in the doorway holding a fishing rod, or a bottle of Tanqueray Gin appearing on the kitchen counter, or a lengthy conversation in a dream.

I'd like that.